Forbidden Drama

I pour all my blood on your ignorance to awake that you inside, outside, beside your whispers, that quake that you use to calm down with some artificial diversion. You look solicitous ‘bout your social status dimension, but you know you’re faking, you feel the hollow, you’re shaking all the way… From my side you’re not looking very well, so pale. The night seems to be your way of forgetting the day when you work for those rich guys who don’t know who the hell you are, for the papers that pay for the pressure stirring your blood and scar your foolish patience with a shooting star… They covered your eyes with a fake life, TV and magazines present the ideal wife, terrorists threaten your promotion time. Give me a break, I don’t give a dime for this cheap way of buying your breath and supply. You’re numb with illusions of comfort and try to steer clear of the truth that it’s just about ourselves. We have to dig deep, not someone else... “If those who lead you say to you “see, the kingdom is in the sky”, then the birds of the sky will precede you. If they say to you “it is in the sea”, then the fish will precede you. Rather the kingdom is inside of you, and it is outside of you. When you come to know yourselves, then you will become known, and you will realize that it is you who are the sons of the living father. But if you will not know yourselves, you dwell in poverty and it is you who are that poverty.” (The Gospel of Thomas II,2(3))

Progression of manners, filthy gestures, cheap excuses, moistened words, facing bullets of unkindness, asking the weak to be strong just like a child, just like an innocent drunk who doesn’t know the meaning of being awake for a day to reveal he failed, he’s actually dead. Fighting each other, building high laws, quoting bibles, dying alone-- can’t survive with this September waiting so long to be wrong--, facing the gods, facing the lost dreams of strange subterraneans hiding their faces and hoping for bloom, dancing in circles to bring back life to the earth… Filling the pots of illusion, creating confusion, blending the pure with the whore, living the others` drama as Dalai Lama - a peace that will always bring war… Tie down those feelings I used to ignore…

Fail to decide which road i should take before my time grows old. Have to be sure that I am prepared to do what I've been told, but I'm scared of what i might love, tell me, is there no other way? I'm supposed to be my highness and I'm nothing but a slave leaving it all away... They said that to be good one has to prove that the path is all clean -- doing the right thing, helping the poor ones, loving your fine queen, but I'm scared of what i might love, tell me, is there no other way? I'm supposed to be my highness and I'm nothing but a slave... What if your thoughts, your dreams are all wrong? What if my love is just pain on your tongue? What if i spit on your idols when you pray? Will you change? Try not to worry, cheap is the worst me that you'll ever know, I'm glad i refused your known ways of bleeding, your ways to be sold.

Grey to the bone, silvery landscapes, diluted tone in liquid cry flowing from the sky… Silhouettes in the falling tears, washing the colors away… Delicate hues on the sheet of my pathway, shifting to blues in the passing of the day, slowly fade away… Wondering why ash surrounds me, but your smile is alive in the frame of my heart… I will paint away, the brushes are calling for me to color the grey and the greens, reds and purples will cover the scenes and brighten this rainiest day… I will paint away and try to remind you...

Drop the D, I need some guts to rearrange my spine. Lose my selfish blind expression, pour a little wine. Do the twist and let me spit upon my miserable shrine. Mind your business, I just need to smudge my perfect shine. Losing control is best when you need to forget the hard times, the big mimes, the skeletons wasting their smiles, Crumbling my drained flat brain. Naked beds and screams, the lost dreams, obsessed themes, the visions of a blind love… Play the double turn emotion, keep yourself in shape, let me underrate my skills and act a little ape. I wanna land on dusty floors, have nothing to regret. Waste my day, just pour some more wine, I need to pass the gate. Trying to pass over the great pain, swimming the wine sea, seeking the right plea to jump ahead again… Walking the shores of a great escape, shaking the hands of the two–faced friends, giving a smile on a plate…

The autumn is leaving, the cold streets are screaming, the bells of an ancient tower are fading out in the night... The beauty of darkness, the howl of a cypress, those empty bottles umber the eyes... Falling, the memories curl and grow deep down inside. Crawling, the rocks are dead and cold, don't have the time to say goodbye... The dawn of a drunk bum, bullfighting loomed with rum, the scorned eyes of a stranger saying "how can you live?" A comb and a toothbrush, a clean suit, a little rush, a cab is waiting outside to drive the lawyer to the court...

I close my eyes to ignore the outside, to feel your breath, let you hide in my arms, sharing the dreams of our yesterdays. The world seems to be all right this far away... The mountains are deep, the waves look so high, I can see the stars passing by. Your whispers are loud while I’m losing all my weight. The world has its happy face this far away, so far away… I can see your eyes sparkling in the dark, I can feel the real beyond this sleazy bark, I can be the dream that you didn’t hope for today. The night seems so proud to be this far away, so far away...

It’s quiet, the snowflakes cover the sun, the big boy buries his memories and a gun in the backyard, as someone said -- “keep their mouth shut and go ahead.” In the morning he’ll be a happy guy, with no pressure on his chest, no tears to cry... It’s funny to fight the same war from its very first day and again, to bury the dead like before, then behave like nothing happened, this is so insane... The next day came as a surprise, he felt a little older, tired enough to feel wise. He laid back and lazed the whole day, in the evening he realized he’s not ok, some annoying little detail pricked his mind, those eyes he buried the last day were looking at him from the inside, the horror poured in his blood at once, a scream of a helpless world i heard and then i saw him bounce.

When you are alone, sittin’ on the pavement, hoping for a ride, dreaming away, remember her hands touching the back of your neck like a breath of wind so real… Long time passing doesn’t mean it’s gone, that touch is still there and it will never leave as you did… When you are alone, walking on the wayside, asking for a ride, dreaming away, forgetting that crap - “What will you do with your life if you won't work out your next day?” Following the sun is not good enough for taking your last breath with a smile on your face? I won't spend my life confronting the real, what about living without established frontiers? What about misty mountains in a sunset light? What about drinking from a waterfall? What about leaving people without telling goodbye? We’ll meet again, I’m sure… The cars still intersect, hypnotizing your memories, those days lost forever you never forgot, leaving all behind doesn’t mean you don’t miss that child accidentally you’re not anymore… What about laying on leaves and watching the stars preparing to fall asleep? What about casual friends for a couple of miles? Don’t ask about the meaning anymore...

Give me a moment of shine to clear my dreams and see with the back of my eyes the day I've been born to face this unknown purpose of someone who won’t show. Chasing the proof of a lie about a guy who spent all his life in the sky, hiding from our eyes. I see nobody there, but a couple of satellites, signs of civilization, shines of forgotten roots… The essential piece is missing, I think we forgot dad is coming in a minute, he left us out to play in the sand, building short-lived castles while he does his job, but we grew and started to get worried... We`ll all go home any minute, we need to sleep and dream about oceans that slide, blend ourselves inside to fill the whole we are, tomorrow we'll divide again and again and again...

Walkin’ down the land, wonderin’ which road i should take to wipe off my fears. Losing all i had is easeful. A fresh morning awaits another dream to blow up my tears… Falling on my feet, my hopes are about to lose track of me. There is no other cheek, it`s just another day waiting to kiss my eyelids to blow up my tears… I can face all the wrong steps i had to make, all the gods i grasped and then i failed to break, I can lose it all again for you to leave this path i take…

Walking on the border, breathing the air of no-man’s land. Everything is allowed, no need to understand the meaning of life. I wonder if one can buy the land to build one’s home in a place where no one is king and no one cares about your race, there are no jobs here, no employees here, no alarm clocks here, no piffle here... You can be yourself, don’t bite your tongue, yell your joy or sing this song, no need to play your role and lie to your ma’ that you’re actually pleased with what you are... The edge of your world is going to crash and disappear, I long for you to come and lose your taste of fear on the way...

To the day i met my very first lover, to that song i wrote when it was all over, to the time i wasn't able to tell lies no matter how much it hurt. That time is so far away. To the lord i prayed as a kid in a corner, to those scary dreams i had worrying my mother. Still remember grandma telling stories 'bout that man who’d died alone, the man i should never be... To a place i left, to all of my friends, to the rose i gave to a girl one day, to the moments i thought that i would go insane... To a friend who thought eleven floors would kill him, to the day he awoke surprised he was living. Then i realized that here you stay as long as you have to, no more, no less... To the day i went to bury my father, and i figured out i wouldn`t have another, to the time he took my hand in his and told me "son, you have to be better than me"... To that place i left, to all of my friends, to the rose i gave to a girl one day, to those moments i cried believing a lie, to the jackals i met and i never betrayed… To that child i prayed to be back one day, to those feelings i lost with my fingers crossed, to the moments i thought that i would go insane...